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Reading Islam
» Ask About Islam
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Last Update: 03:41 GMT, Tuesday, Nov. 24, 2009
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| Question and
Answer Details |
| Name of Questioner |
Simon
- Australia
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| Title |
Bonds of Love and Mercy |
| Date |
27/Dec/2002 |
| Question |
Hello,
After September 11th, I started investigating what Islam really was and yes, it is a peaceful and beautiful religion from what I have discovered...
So, recently I started reading the Qur’an. Then there is this verse in the Qur’an that confuses me, in Surah 4 – verse 34: *{... as to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill conduct, admonish them [first], [next] refuse to share their beds, [and last] beat them [lightly]; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means [of annoyance]: for God is Most High, Great [above you all].}*
Does this verse mean that you have to beat up your wife who disobeys you? That is because that is what the verse means to me from reading it straight out like that, unless there is some other meaning behind it.
Please clarify.
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| Topic |
Marriage
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| Name of Counselor |
Shahul Hameed
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| Answer
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Peace be with you Simon,
Thank you very much for your mail.
Islam teaches that the Qur’an is the book of guidance from God, revealed to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and Muslims should arrange all aspects of their lives according to it. Also, the best interpreter of the Qur’an is the prophet (pbuh) himself, whose life was a practical demonstration of how the divine guidance is actualized in human life.
Allah says in Surah 33, verse 21: *{We have indeed, in the messenger of Allah, a good example [of conduct] for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Final Day.}*
And addressing the prophet himself, Allah says In Surah 68, verse 4: *{And you stand on an exalted standard of character.}*
When the prophet's wife `Aisha was asked about her husband's character, she stated simply: "He was the Qur'an," meaning that his life was the practical expression of the Qur'anic guidance. (Reported by Muslim.)
For the above reason, let us see how he who lived his life according to the Qur’an, treated his wives. All the eminent narrators of hadith (sayings of the prophet) such as Bukhari, Muslim and Abu Daud quote one of the prophet’s wife as saying that Muhammad (pbuh) NEVER ever lifted a finger to punish his wives.
And what is more, there are a number of hadiths that categorically prohibit wife-beating, and in one of his sayings he has equated perfect belief with good treatment of one's wife:
"Among the Muslims, the most perfect as regards his faith is the one whose character is most excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well." (Narrated by Tirmidhi.)
Also Mu`awiyah al-Qushayri narrated:
“I went to the apostle of Allah (pbuh) and asked him: ‘What do you say [command] about our wives?’ He replied: ‘Give them the same food you have for yourself, and clothe them with the same clothes you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them.’” (Reported by Abu-Dawud.)
As for Abu Hurairah, he reported: “the messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, ‘A believer must not hate the believing woman [his wife]; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.’” (Reported by Muslim.)
Let us now consider the verse you quoted – Surah 4, verse 34 - in the light of the foregoing rulings of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). The verse is as follows: *{Men are the carers and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill conduct, admonish them [first], [next] refuse to share their beds, [and last] beat them [lightly]; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means [of annoyance]: for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all).}*
In fact, to fully understand the context in which the above verse stands, we have to read the verse following it too – Surah 4, verse 35: *{If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint [two] arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: for Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.}*
Obviously, these verses deal with marital life. In the domestic sphere, a man and his wife should lead a life of complete peace and harmony. This is essential, not merely for their own welfare, but also for a healthy society. This is since family is the basic unit of the society, any deterioration in the domestic sphere will have its impact on the social sphere as well. This fact emphasizes the need for clear-cut rules for good man-woman relationship. Hence, the Holy Qur’an treats the subject with the importance it deserves.
Islam teaches that in any group, one should be acknowledged as the leader. Even in the case of two persons traveling together one should be the leader, whose word will be final; that is, in the case of a difference of opinion about a decision binding on the two. This directive is meant for the best interest of the group.
In the family, the Holy Qur’an says that the leader should be the husband or the father. Because, the man is given more duties such as meeting the expenses of the members of the family, as mentioned in the verse. The woman’s domain is the home; but in the case of a difference in opinion, the woman should listen to her husband and abide by his wishes.
It is to be emphasized here that this is not for enforcing male domination, but for the sake of peace and harmony. We must also understand that it is the differences in opinion between husband and wife that lead to divorce and the disruption of a healthy family life. Therefore, it is imperative that such discord should be solved at the root itself as far as possible.
Islam gives specific directions for the settlement of crises in family life. Then, when we read the verse that speaks about the case of ill conduct from the wife, we must remember that this does not mean that the husband is allowed to behave as he pleases… Here the direction happens to be about the wife’s misconduct, while the husband is commanded to treat his wife with kindness and fairness. This is clearly laid down elsewhere in the same chapter of the Qur’an, actually in verse 19: *{O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.}*
Moreover, the equality, along with bonds of tenderness between the two sexes is underscored in Surah 30, verse 21: *{And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may live [dwell] in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between you; verily, in that are signs for people who reflect}*
And again, in Surah 2, verse 187: *{... they are your garments and you are their garments.}*
As for inheritance, the Qur’an says in Surah 4, verse 7:*{ For men there is a share in what parents and relatives leave, and for women there is a share of what parents and relatives leave, whether it be little or much - an ordained share.}*
Thus, the command for wives to obey their husbands is not an unjust, one-sided command, as some critics of Islam would have us believe. As we do not expect a healthy atmosphere in the family when the relationship between the husband and wife is spoiled by distrust and discord.
When disruption is feared, it is necessary for one to concede to the other; and God ordains that the wife should be gracious enough to do this. To compensate for this as it were, the financial burden of managing the family affairs is taken completely off her shoulders.
It should also be underlined here that it is always the woman who is psychologically more capable of this sort of magnanimity. The most important objective here is to ensure a strong and secure atmosphere in the family, which is essential for the healthy development of children, as well as for the welfare of all.
So Allah says in the Qur’an: *{… therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard...}*
It is Allah Who commands wives to be righteous by being obedient to their husbands, and by guarding what Allah would have them guard; which in effect indicates that in this matter the righteous wives are really obeying Allah. This also means that the husbands must be careful not to misuse this injunction of Allah, by making unreasonable demands on their wives. They should fear Allah…
It is not a question of who is “better” or “superior” here; it is a question of maintaining an atmosphere in the family that is conducive to peace and harmony. Then, when there is a threat to it, it is the duty of the husband, as head of the family, to see that nothing threatens that atmosphere. If he sees that the wife is guilty of misconduct, he can then enforce discipline in the way specified in the verse you mentioned.
Here, what we are concerned about is the expression: “beat them”. The original Arabic word used in the verse is: “wadriboohunna”. This is derived from the root, “daraba”, which according to Arabic linguists have got a number of meanings, including, “beat” or “hit”.
Some scholars argue that the word in this context does not mean “beat” or “hit”. It means just “leave [them]”. But it is obvious - and Allah knows best – that the word stands here for punishment, but only symbolic punishment.
I say this in the light of the sayings of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), who is the best interpreter of the Qur’an, as has already been stated earlier. Besides, we read in the following verse, Surah 4 – verse 35, the step to be followed in case there is a chance of “breach” between the husband and wife: *{If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint [two] arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: for Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.}*
From the above verse, we understand that the instruction to punish the wife is a step to be adopted by the husband to avoid the chance of divorce. If this fails, the next step is to have arbiters; one from the husband’s family and the other from the wife’s family, who would strive for a reconciliation.
This means that even “beating” is to be adopted with the intent of reconciliation or peaceful life together. That is to say “the beating” should not be a harshly punitive measure, but something done out of a sincere desire for a harmonious marital life.
And Allah knows best.
More about women in Islam: Equal Rights for Women
Status of Women
Punishment for Raped Women?! Female Circumcision Eve’s Sin
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