I presume it has to do with my location in Kuwait and my proximity to the city of Makkah. All I have to do is hop on a bus for a couple of hundred dollars and ride for a mere 24 hours or board a plane that will deliver me in less than three hours. I myself am often dumbfounded.

However, it's not as if I have not tried. In fact, I have planned to perform the hajj, and even Umrah, on several occasions. Unfortunately, something has always gotten in the way to end my journey before it has even begun.

I am the only convert to Islam in my husband's family and while they have embraced me as a family member, I have never felt that they have embraced me as a Muslim.

Due to a language barrier and their cultural customs, which often contain innovations, they don't perceive me as a true Muslim, although I study Islam every day and have a good understanding of the Sunnah.

The reality is that the true reason I have never performed hajj is because it has not been ordained by Allah. When and if I will ever perform hajj is predestined in the Divine Decree that is known only by Allah Almighty.

I may never reach Makkah to perform either pilgrimage even if I have the means to do so. I don't complain. Instead, I do the one and only thing that I can do and that no one can take away from me: I dream of hajj.

Sometimes the vision of a wave of pilgrims flooding the Kabah in their Ihrams (two pieces of cloth attire worn by men during the state of consecration) fills my mind as I drift off to sleep. Other times I might be doing something as simple as washing the dishes and my mind wanders to more visions of hajj that I have only seen on TV or in books.

The stoning of the devil, performing Tawaf (circumambulation of the Kabah), or climbing Mount Arafat are all scenes that are alive in my mind but have so far escaped me. I often wonder what my emotional state will be if I ever am blessed enough to perform the hajj.

Will I be smiling from ear to ear in utter gratitude for being invited to Allah's House? Or will I be humbled to my knees with tears streaming down my cheeks as I lay eyes on the Kabah for the very first time? I can only assume it will be a mixture of both, and I can only pray that I will live long enough to embark upon the journey of a lifetime.

I do find comfort, however, in knowing that I am not alone. There are millions of Muslims across the globe who also dream of hajj. And like me, they may never be able to reach Makkah to perform it.

However, we should all continue to strive in Allah's cause every day, through prayers and good deeds, in the hopes that one day we will be called for hajj… when the time is right and our hearts are ready.